One of Three Ways
by jinxing minx
Summary: Addison said that they could deal with their marriage in one of three ways. They just didn't expect a baby to be a part of the third option. Starts from 2x03. ADDEK
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own anything

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**Seattle 2005 **

"The way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or option two, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home but you could still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue." She knew that she was walking on thin ice. Derek could easily reject her advances, and their marriage could be over. However, a part of her knew that Derek still loved her. A smile accidentally formed on Derek's lips. She missed his smile. The last time she saw his smile felt like a lifetime ago.

"Are you trying to be funny?" He teased.

"Satan has a sense of humor." She retaliated. It had always been their form of banter. Derek would tease her. She would fight back. Then he would cave into whatever she wanted. It was inevitable. Addison always got what she wanted. Growing up with 4 sisters trained Derek to be immuned from all of the pouting and bitching. However, Addison wasn't like any of his sisters. She was the love of his life. Of course he would give her everything she wanted; regardless of what it was. Derek wanted her to make her happy. He had promised her a lifetime of love and happiness. However, things happen. They grew up. Chose to focus on their own careers. He became indifferent. She slept with Mark. He met Meredith. Things do happen.

But all the cheating and indifference was temporarily forgotten. At this moment, it was just them. They were Addison and Derek again. She leaned in closer to him. Tightly holding onto the arms of the rocking chair. If she was on thin ice earlier, now she was practically sprinting across the ocean. She was dangerously close.

"What's the third?" Derek practically whispered. He could feel his heart pounding. It was terrifying. He knew that Meredith wasn't just a one night stand, but being with Addison reminded him of all the good and bad memories he had tried so hard to forget. Meredith was a breath of fresh air. Being with her was like being pulled out of the water. It was easy being with Meredith, but with Addison, it's complicated and difficult. Addison was real. Being with Addison meant responsibilities and hardships, but being with Addie also means family and history. Meredith was refreshing; she was like a fantasy. However, Addison is his family. True that she may come with a lot of fighting, but that is because she is the real thing. Addison isn't a fantasy that Derek needed to chase. He already has her.

"I don't know what the third option is." She admitted. Derek hesitantly looked straight into her green eyes, and he knew he had fallen for her once again. It was like the first time all over again. Only this time, there wasn't a cadaver separating them. Instead, there was a beautiful little girl fighting for her life behind them. Addison held her breath as she leaned to kiss him. Surprisingly, Derek kissed her back. Maybe it was because she was familiar, or maybe it's because he was shocked. The neurosurgeon wasn't sure why he kissed had her back, but he was sure that he was still in love with her. Addison is his family. She had always been. "I just know I still love you." Derek was speechless. How could he respond to that? Of course he still loved Addison. He had gone through thick and thin with her. She was the one that held his hand when he lost his first patient. She was the one that held him when Amelia almost died. She was the one he had imagined growing old with.

Addison knew that she had to get out. One moment she was kissing her husband; the next she was out of the NICU. The kiss was too much for her; maybe for the both of them. She had no right to pressure him to choose her. She is the reason why they're separated. But, the red head showed no remorse. The kiss may have been too much, but she couldn't find it in herself to regret it. Derek is the love of her life and if there was a slight chance that he still wanted her, she would hold onto that. They are Addison and Derek. They can't be over. At least, they can't be without fighting like hell. Not when there was still a chance.

"Addie! Wait!" Derek yelled as he started to chase after her. Ignoring all the confused stares he was getting from the nurses. Addie quickly stopped to turned around._She had just left the NICU seconds ago. How could she already be so far away?_ Derek thought as he started catching up to her. "Do you remember Harper Quincy?" Derek blurted even when he was panting.

Addison was confused. "What does this have to do with our..." She glanced to see if people were eavesdropping. They clearly were. Derek sensed how uncomfortable his wife was, so he lightly took her hand to lead her into an on-call room. "What does Harper have to do with our kiss?" She finally asked.

"Do you remember her?" Derek ignored Addison's question. He knew how he wanted this conversation to go. He just needed Addison to stop being Addison for a second. He didn't need the confident and brilliant Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. He needed his Addie Shepherd. "Addie?" He pouted.

She rolled her eyes. She instantly knew where this was going. They have been married for over a decade. She knew how he got when he wanted to make a romantic gesture. He acted the same way when he had proposed to her. "We called her Hazel. She wasn't even our daughter, yet we wanted to name her." She finally gave in and replied.

"Well we couldn't imagine what her life would be like without giving her a temporary name." Derek replied. Addison was surprised. That was the same thing she had told him when he asked why they had to give her a name. Harper Quincy, or Hazel as they called her, was the first patient they had together as attendings. She was born at only 28 weeks with an intraventricular hemorrhage. "But I don't see what she has to do with our impasse."

"Can you stop being Addison for a minute?" Derek's voice was firm and assertive. Addison tensed up. "Stop being logical and overanalyzing for a minute." He added with a softer tone. Derek took Addie's hand to pull her closer to him. She looked straight into his eyes. He wasn't her Derek anymore. His eyes were filled with hurt and anger. It hurt to know that she did that to him. Addison delicately placed her hand on his cheek as he pulled her even closer. "Stop being Addison Forbes Montgomery. I need you to be _my_ Addie. Honey, I need you to be the Addie before the indifference, before Mark, before Meredith. I need you to be my Addie." He begged. She nodded. They stayed silent for awhile. He held her tightly as if he could die if he let her go.

"I was thinking we could call her Nina." Addison whispered. They both knew that she was referring to the little girl back in the NICU. A tear fell from Derek's eye. They used to name the babies that they worked on together, so that they could imagine the life those babies could have. It was their thing. It was practice, as Derek called it. Practice for when they had their own child to name and raise. He missed her so much. She smiled, then wiped the tear away. "I know that Nina is on the list of baby names you had wanted, and I know too that its pretty high up there." Addie grinned. "Nancy even told me that you tried so hard to convince her not to name Sarah Nina."

"I've always liked the name." Derek replied. "Way better than Carson."

Addison playfully hit his chest. "Carson is still on the table." She stated. Addison had always planned on naming their kid Carson, but maybe now she can bend a little. "but _maybe_ we can name our daughter Nina." She teased.

Derek shook his head. "I don't think our daughter could pull off Nina." He told her. Derek started to imagine an image of their future children. All he could come up with was a little red head with his eyes and Addison's smile and a little boy with Addison's eyes and his hair. For some reason, the idea was no longer as scary as it was half an hour ago, but they were still at an impasse. There were still unanswered questions between them. They are in no condition for children now. "We will cross the bridge when we get there." Derek quickly dismissed the topic. "But I think Nina fits our patient." Addison nodded.

"So Dr. Shepherd what kind of life do you think Nina would have?"

"Well Dr. Shepherd," Derek slowly ran his hands down her arm until he reached her delicate hands. He intertwined his fingers with hers and kissed her forehead. "I think she'll be stronger in the morning." He teased.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Derek I'm serious."

"I am too. I really think she'll make it through surgery. She's a fighter. I know that she'll be able to go home soon."

"Is that your professional opinion Dr. Shepherd?" Addie's tone was slightly more serious. Derek nodded.

"I think she'll be into reading. She seems like a smart kid." Derek said.

"Really? I beg to disagree." Addison challenged. "She's a fighter. I think she will be a sports kid. You know. The type of kid that tries every single sport just for fun. She'll come home with bruises and cuts and act like it doesn't hurt at all."

Derek smiled. "If that's the case then she'd be a really cute sporty kid that_ loves to read_. I'm sure her parents would have their hands full."

She sighed "I can't believe she'll be thrown into the system."

"I'm also sure that there is a family out there waiting for her." Derek held onto her hand tighter. "So what do you think she'll want to be when she grows up?"

"She would want to be a doctor for sure." Addison replied without hesitation.

"And why is that?"

"Remember all the cuts and bruises she'll probably obtain from trying to play with the boys? She would treat them herself. She would know how to clean up her own wounds by the age of nine. Then by the time college applications start she'll start to realize that she wants to become a peds surgeon to clean up other kid's wounds." Addison proudly said her narrative. "Oh and as for a family, she wouldn't even look at any of the boys. She will be so focused on her work that the idea of boys won't even cross her mind."

"Well that'll only be until her first 12 hour graveyard shift at the ER." Derek interjects. Addison stays silent to encourage him to continue. "She'll be so exhausted that she would end up having to take a nap in one of the on-call rooms, and in that on-call room would be the love of her life. He would be sleeping on the top bunk. Lightly snoring of course. They would hate each other at first. They would start competing for no apparent reason except it's fun. Then the rest would be history."

"That sounds like a great love story." Addie wrapped her arms around his neck as Derek wrapped his arms around her waist.

"No, honey, that sounds like a great life." Derek corrected. "And that will be all because of you."

Addison shook her head to disagree with her husband. "That will be because of us. You and I. We're Addison and Derek. We can do anything. We can give Nina the life she deserves." She then leaned in closer to kiss her husband.

Even if they were unsure of what's to come. The kiss felt right. _They felt right._ 11 years of marriage can't just end without fighting like hell to survive. So maybe the third option was just seeing where things could go because all they knew was they still loved each other.

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** I hope you liked it. **


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I initially intended this to be a oneshot, but I couldn't resist. I needed to write more. Thank you for all the sweet reviews.

Anyway, I want to change a few things to fit my storyline. Addison and Mark were a one night stand. She didn't move in with him when Derek left. Also, Addison was never pregnant with Mark's baby. I might change a few other things too along the way.

I don't own anything.

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It was a lot like ripping a bandaid.

_But that's only if the said bandaid was your husband of over 11 years. Also, if said bandaid was one of the only people you've ever slept with, and maybe thats only if the said bandaid is the love of your life._

_Yeah. That metaphor didn't really fit their situation._ Addison thought.

She was attempting to retie her hair in front of the small mirror; yet again. Addison knew that she needed to put on a little more effort onto her appearance to hide the fact that she just had sex with her estranged husband or is it soon to be ex-husband. Depending whether he signs the papers or not. But who were they kidding. Her salmon scrubs were no longer neatly pressed, and his blue scrubs too looked off. Everyone would know what they did as soon as they step out of the room. There was no way of hiding it. Things were going fine earlier. The husband and wife were back to their old selves talking about their patients. Addison missed being with Derek. She missed how he held her. She missed his smile. She missed how they could talk about anything. She missed her husband desperately. Addison was a fighter. She is not the type to give up without a fight. Especially when she knew that she had a chance, and she does. But all great fighters know that you can't get into it blindly. You need a game plan, and she did have one. It just all went to shit when she started kissing him back. Why the hell did she have to ruin her plan by sleeping with him tonight?

She groaned. "Stop worrying so much Addie." Derek whispered. He placed his hands on her hips and rested his chin on her shoulder. The sight of them together looked natural. It was almost like they fit, and they did. Or at least they used to.

Addison turned around to face her husband. "What does _this_ mean?" Derek blankly stared at her. "Was this a 'goodbye fuck?' Are we getting back together? Or maybe it was just a way for you to scratch an itch." She was frustrated, but that quickly turned into a deep sigh. "You call my Satan Derek. Earlier, you walked away when I wanted to talk to you. You avoid me at all costs." Addison looked at him straight in the eye. "Not to mention, you're in love with your intern." She stated. He remained silent. "I don't know what this meant, and I don't know how we go on from here. But I leave in the morning. It's either you sign or you don't." She announced. She wanted to yell and sob at the same time. Derek just stared at her. "Honey please say something." She begged, and it broke his heart to hear her say that. Addison wasn't the type to beg. He knew that. Back in New York, she was this confident no-bullshit surgeon. She was always sure of her decisions. Both personally and professionally. So to hear her beg was definitely a sign that there was something wrong. _Like finding her in bed with Mark wasn't a sign._ Derek reminded himself.

"Oh" was the only response he could come up with. "Addie, I" He paused. He didn't know what their love making meant. It wasn't angry sex. They were no longer mad at each other. They were hurt, but they weren't angry. It wasn't a goodbye fuck either. Neither of them wanted to end their marriage just yet. Most especially, it couldn't have been just sex. They were married for god's sake. Sex to them wasn't a carnal act to scratch an itch. It was their way of expressing their love for each other. So even if he didn't know what their latest rump meant, he was sure of one thing. "It wasn't just sex for me." Derek offered a small smile.

"Good." Addie nodded. "It wasn't just sex for me either." She finally let a tear roll down her porcelain cheek. She had been holding that in for awhile now.

Derek nodded. "Look Addie," His tone was soft and shaky. He never liked seeing her cry. It hurt to see her hurt. Neither of them wanted to talk about what would happen next, but they knew that they had to at some point. They can't just stay at an impasse. "when I look at you, I want to remember how you looked at our wedding. I want the image of you in the silk white dress walking down the aisle to be the first thing I remember, but it isn't. At least not anymore. When I look at you, I remember him." Derek sighed. "I remember how he held you as he" he paused to find the right words without throwing up. "as he thrusted himself into you." He no longer cared about looking strong. He let the tears rush down his cheeks. Addison too was sobbing at this point.

"Derek, I didn't mean to hurt you"

"But you did."

"I know." Her voice cracked. "I know that I shouldn't have slept with him, but he was there. He was there when you weren't. You made him attend our dates. Instead of cancelling, you had Mark come." They both cringe at the sound of his name. "You even sent him to our anniversary dinner." She looked at him desperately.

"I was indifferent. I was never home. I practically lived at the hospital." He admitted. "But I didn't think that'll push you to _him_." Derek couldn't even say his name. "When I look at you, I feel nauseous. You make me sick." He forcefully ran his fingers through his hair. "But the only thing worse than that," He took her hand and wiped her tears. "is not seeing you at all. I know that I called you Satan, but that was because I was angry at you. I'm no longer angry Addie. Listen, we can't fix our marriage overnight. It can take months, years even, but I want to try. I want us to work. We can survive this." He cupped her face. "Stop crying honey. We can get through this. We're _Addison and Derek_."

"We are _Addison and Derek_." She echoed. It was almost like she needed to remind herself that.

"Stay." Derek begged. "Stay for me. Don't leave tomorrow. I don't think I can say goodbye to you just yet. Please?"

"Okay." She agreed. Even if she had patients, a practice to run, and a life in Manhattan, Derek is the love of her life. He had asked her to stay, so she will. It was the least she could do. She was the one that had hurt him in the first place. She pushed him to Seattle.

"We still have to talk about your intern Derek." Now this was more like ripping the bandaid.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You'll notice that I used some lines from the show again and of course I needed to make a few changes for it to fit the story. **

**I don't own anything**

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**McDreamy**

"They call him McDreamy. He has a nickname." Addison was trying her best to hide all of the confusion and anger in her tone to spare whoever was on the other line. "He lives in a trailer in the middle of the woods. He eats trout. He wears flannel. FLANNEL! He is basically a flannel-wearing, wood-chopping fisherman." All her efforts to keep herself composed was clearly forgotten. Addison was annoyed. No wait. She is passed annoyed. She is frustrated. "Who the hell does that? What kind of person asks you to stay then ignores you. Nae?" The red head was screaming at this point.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Addie we both know things don't happen overnight. You have to give him time to grasp it all. Derek has a job. He has patients and responsibilities that he can't just drop. He has a life there." There was hesitation in Naomi's tone. "He has a life in Seattle without you Addison." Naomi finally said the one thing Addison needed to hear."You need to give him time to think about everything. You blindsided him by flying there. What do expect Addison? He's Derek. He's stubborn."

Addison groaned. "He had two months to grasp it all!" She had given up on calm hours ago. Hence, the phone call to Naomi. Addison started pacing through her hotel room. "I gave him divorce papers; he ignored them. I tell him that I still love him; he sleeps with me. Then, he asked me to stay. What am I supposed to think Nae?" The neonatal surgeon finally stopped pacing when she spotted her wedding ring on the nightstand. "I can't wait for him forever. As much as I want to, I don't beg. If he wants me to go, then I would. But if there's even the slightest chance that he still wants me, then I'll do everything to make my marriage work." She sat down on the foot of the bed. "He is my family." Addison sighed. "I've never felt like I belonged in my own family, and I still don't. I was awkward and my mother never liked me. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't even fit in with Derek's family. Carolyn despises me. I was never one of them. I never belonged there, or anywhere really...Till Derek." Another long sigh. "He made me feel loved and cared for. He was perfect. He was..." She paused to find the right term.

"McDreamy?" Naomi filled in.

"yeah. He was McDreamy." Oddly enough it fit. Addison's heart broke. "Now, he's someone else's McDreamy." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't want to hurt him anymore."

Naomi can hear a muffled cry. "Oh Addie..." Then, line was silent. Both women sat in silence. All Naomi heard was Addison's muffled cry. Naomi had known Addison and Derek long enough. She had watched them fall madly in love. Which made this even harder to watch. Naomi hoped that this wouldn't be the end of _Addison and Derek._ They were the perfect complement to one another. Derek was the only person that encouraged her to be herself. Without Derek, Addison would be the cold hearted bitch everyone expects her to be; all because she would still seek for her parents approval.

"Distract me Nae." Addison pleaded. "I can't think about my life anymore."

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Days went by and Derek still hadn't made any effort to talk to Addison.

He was busy. He had patients to see. At least that was what he kept telling himself. Truth be told, he was stalling. Derek didn't know why he had asked Addison to stay when he knew that he was in love with Meredith, or was in love with her. He wasn't sure anymore. Seeing Addison was painful, hard and confusing, but it had to happen at some point. Suddenly, he saw _her_ walking towards the elevator.

He didn't plan on talking to her. He wasn't sure what he would even say to her, but he needed to hear her voice again. Derek missed her. "Skipping rounds?" Derek asked.

"Avoiding mother." Meredith tried to keep her responses short and straightforward. She was still upset with him. He had made her fall in love with him. Only to find out that he was married all along. Meredith felt cheap and played with. She had no interest in talking to him, so she kept walking.

"Meredith!" He held her hand. She jerked it away.

"You've got a wife." She stated.

"Yes." He smirked.

"Your life is complicated."

"Yes." His smile was getting more mischievous.

"I don't need complicated. I have complicated all on my own."

"Yes." Now, he was just doing it to annoy her.

"Stop saying yes." A smile was now forming on her lips.

"Stop trying to make any sudden movements." He teased.

Meredith was now annoyed. He wasn't taking any of this seriously. "You think this is funny?"

"Addison is leaving." He lied. "She doesn't have anymore patients in this hospital. There is no reason for her to be here."

_Except for the fact that I asked her to stay._ He thought to himself, but he quickly dismissed that. He has built himself a life here. He has a job, friends, a trailer, and he has Meredith.

"No reason?"

"None whatsoever." This time it was true. He had made his decision. It's Meredith. It was always going to be. Derek placed his hand on the interns cheek.

"Well..." A familiar voice said. Derek cringed. "Isn't this cozy?" Addison asked as she pressed the elevator button. "Can I join in? Or are you not into threesomes?"

Derek rolled his eyes. Typical. Addison was always a drama queen. Of course she would pick the most inconvenient time to pop up.

"I have to go." Meredith announced as she scurried off. Now, Derek wishes he could have just followed her.

"You really are Satan. You realize that right?" You can hear the bitterness in his tone. "If Satan were to take physical form, he'd be you. Everywhere. All the time."

_He hates you._ Addison told herself. She took a deep breath, but she knew that already. The fluke in the on-call room was too good to be true. "I'm so not Satan." She tried to keep at least a little of her dignity by defending herself.

"How come you haven't gone on your broomstick and gone back to New York where you belong?" Derek looked at her with disgust. He should've never kissed her. He went closer to her to press the elevator button she had pressed earlier. He just wanted her gone.

"Because you asked me to stay." Addison whispered softly when Derek was close enough to hear it. She knew he hated her. She had come to terms with it, but a part of her still wished he would change his mind.

Derek softened a bit. He remembered how it felt to hold her that night. The hadn't held each other like that in a really long time. He would never hurt her. At least not intentionally.

"Stop being petty." She asked him nicely.

"Stop being an adulterous bitch." He bit back.

Correction. New York Derek would never hurt her, but this man in front of her was Seattle Derek. He is a flannel-wearing, wood-chopping fisherman, who apparently had no control over his words. Derek immediately regretted his words. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell her that he was just having a bad morning. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Suddenly, the elevator dinged. Announcing that it had stopped on the surgical floor.

"You know you are going to forgive me. Eventually." It was more like a plea than a statement. Addison walked closer to him. "Right?" She wanted to grab him and shake him, but opted to cross her arms instead. She wasn't sure she could touch him again. "I mean you can't just..." She wanted to say 'end this' but knew that she would break down if she did. "I mean there was a time where you thought of me as your best friend."

"There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change." Derek's heart broke as he said the last two words. Things can't change that quick.

Little did he know, Addison too was thinking the exact same thing. Things can't change that quick, but maybe it wasn't quick. Maybe, he hadn't seen her as the love of his life way before Mark and Meredith happened.

"I give up." She said softly as she turned her attention back to the elevator. But her whisper was not softly enough. Derek had heard it too. She knew that she had run out of time. There was no more stalling. He had made his choice. She opened her briefcase and pulled out the blue folder.

"Divorce papers?" Derek read.

"Your lawyers said that they're okay. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, Ill sign and you'll never hear from me again." Addison's face dropped. She was ending her family. She may have had days to prepare this speech, but actually saying them to the love of her life was heartbreaking. Never had she imagined that this is where they would be ending up.

"Addie" Derek whispered. He just wanted to grab her and hold her. The mean and selfish Seattle guy was back into the tiny box in his brain. Now, New York Derek was in control. Addison shook her head at him. It was her way of asking him to stay away. The elevators door opened, and she immediately got in. She needed to get away from him.

"I'm going to Los Angeles for a couple of days." She stammered. Derek wanted to say something, but she quickly cut him off. "I'm going to see Naomi." She explained as she adjusted the strap of her bag. Honestly, she was just looking for an excuse to not look at him. "I'll fly back here after my visit, before going to New York,..." she cleared her throat. "to pick up the papers and to say goodbye." Her voice was now incredible soft. She was tired to fighting. "I'll stick by my words Derek. You sign and I'll be gone." She assured him. The elevator doors were about to close, when she all of a sudden, placed her arms in between the metal doors. The hesitation in her voice from earlier was now all gone. She was looking at him straight in the eye. "Derek have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still may be the love of your life?" She offered a gentle smile as she walked back into the empty elevator.

Derek looked at her with sadness in his eyes. Minutes ago, he was certain that he wanted her gone. Now, he wasn't as sure. She was once everything to him. How can he sign a piece of paper that would end all of that? How could he disregard all of the memories they had shared? They made plans together. Even if they had achieved most of the plans they had made, they still had a few that he really wanted to cross off, and she is the only person he wants to do those things with. Then all of the regret hit Derek like a ton of bricks. He isn't a bad guy. He doesn't lie to women to get them into bed; that was Mark. He never forced Addie to have kids when she wasn't ready; that was Sam. And certainly, Derek didn't treat Addison like a piece of ass that he wanted to sleep with; that was Archer. Derek was the good guy. He had always been the good guy. He knew what he had to do. He was McDreamy after all.

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I don't really know where I'm going with this story, but I hope you liked it! Any suggestions on how I could go on from here?


	4. Chapter 4

"Just_ as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and alienation and loneliness on the other. It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the hips that marked the birth of ecstasy; a bolt of lightening that caused the feeling of awe. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came after people had enough time to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surprise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia."_

\- Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

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All beginnings have an ending. The first page always has to have a last. The first kiss would be followed by another, then another; to the point where you finally have your last. Beginnings come with endings. It just happens. Even when you try to prevent it, things will come to an end because all beginnings come with endings.

and that's what scared Derek the most. Addison loves to read the last chapter first. She always wanted to know what was coming. She never liked surprises. He, on the other hand, was a go with the flow type of guy. He was always ready for any type of outcome, good or bad. While this maybe true, now he wished that he was more like Addison. Maybe surprises are a bad idea. The anxiety that comes from not knowing what happens next is suffocating. Maybe he should've listened to Addison's plans back in the day rather than countered hers. Maybe he should've listened to his mother when she told him that Addie wasn't the one. Maybe he should have had kids when Addie suggested they start trying a few years prior. Maybe he should've gone home when she needed to him. Maybe she wouldn't have cheated on him.

"Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd, M.D." He read over and over. The ink on the paper was haunting him. The name he once loved, the name he had worked hard to get, the name he shared with his father was now the cause of his confusion. He wasn't that person anymore. He still had the same name, but somehow felt different. Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd was the hotshot New York surgeon with a house in the Hamptons, a practice in New York's finest hospital, and a wife that every man in Manhattan constantly drooled over. _That guy _had everything_. __That guy_ was loved. _That guy_ was envied, but he wasn't_ that guy_ anymore. He didn't even know how to be _that guy_ again. He lived in a trailer in the woods. He's still a hotshot surgeon, but in a different hospital. Then, there was his wife. Earlier today, all he wanted was to get rid of his wife. Being with Meredith felt good. She was the change he needed, but what if he didn't need change? What if all he needed was to go back home with Addison? What if?

He skimmed through the paper for what felt like the thousandth time. Everything seemed right. They would both get half of the brownstone, half of the house in the Hamptons and half of everything in them. It will be split right down the middle. No more. No less. Everything looked right. She made everything right. However, it didn't feel right. At least not to Derek. 11 years of marriage, 15 years of knowing Addison, a lifetime worth of plans, and countless memories. All of that relied on a piece of document - _divorce papers._

He sighed. He was at a standstill. The busyness of the hospital was somehow forgotten. All that mattered was the pieces of paper laid out in front of him. As he looked over to the lower right corner of the paper, he read her name. It was undeniably long and pretentious. It was a name no one would want for themselves. She had always hated her name, but carried it with such elegance. He, however, didn't hate her name at all. He loved it. Not that he would ever name their children with those pretentious names. Nevertheless, he still loved it. It was _her_ name. The name that had caused such an uproar between their families. Both her family and my mother wanted her to keep her name. They had insisted that she wasn't a Shepherd, but she went and changed it anyway. A story we still haven't shared with anyone till this day. "Dr. Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, M.D." She still kept Forbes Montgomery of course. Her family would've disowned her if she dropped those. Instead, she hyphenated her name. They were all wrong. She's a Shepherd. She fits in with my sisters better than I do. My nieces and nephews all prefer their Aunt Addie. Even if my mom didn't like Addie, I knew that my dad would have loved her. That's why she had always been **Addison Shepherd** his eyes.

* * *

_He was 24 when he had met her. Back then, she was the Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery; smart, confident, kind, funny, talented, poised, badass, breathtaking, and insanely hot. Every man, and a few women, in Columbia University wanted her. Teachers just loved her. Girls all wanted to be her. She was **that girl**. He remembered the day he met her. The way she looked at him that day would forever be burned into his memories. It was in Gross Anatomy class. They had that weird looking cadaver that looked a lot like Derek's favorite teacher. He remembers accidentally oversleeping that morning. Mark had convinced him to attend a frat party the previous night causing him to stay in bed a little longer than he should've been. That was also the first time he had been late to a class. Well he was still a freshman at that time, so skipping class hadn't really been priority back then. It wasn't even an option yet. Anyway, he was almost an hour late, so all the students were already assigned into groups. He had slipped into the class hoping to go unnoticed, but he wasn't as lucky. The professor didn't notice him however, but Addison did. So maybe he was lucky. Her enchanting green eyes stared at him with confusion. She had a mask that covered her lips, but he knew she had been pursing her lips. She did that when she was thinking. When their eyes first met, he knew that she was the love of his life. The professor soon realized Derek standing there, and asked if he had already been assigned a group. He hadn't been, but he knew that he couldn't tell his professor that. Derek would be kicked out of the class if he had told the truth. He looked over the cadaver to desperately ask Addison for help._

_"He's with us." Addison told their professor. "You assigned him to our group. Don't you remember?" She was both sarcastic and gentle. Normally, a statement like that would sound rude, but she said it with such grace and respect that it just seemed like an everyday question._

_"Oh yes" Their professor cleared his throat then walked onto the next group. You could tell that he knew something was up, but kept it to himself._

_"Thanks! I owe you. He would've kicked me out without your help." Derek smiled. "Derek Shepherd." He announced. "I guess I'm the fourth member of your group." He extended his hand to the nearest person. The short girl with blonde hair rolled her eyes. Then, quickly went back to what she was doing._

_"Sam Bennett." The dark skinned man extended his hand. "As long as you know your stuff, then we'll have no problems at all." He joked._

_"I assure you I won't ever be late again." Derek replied. Addison cleared her throat to catch Derek and Sam's attention. The professor had started explaining the next part of the experiment. All eyes were glued to the front of the classroom. All except Derek's. He finally looked at the beautiful red head. He extended his hand and flashed his dreamiest smile. "I don't think I caught your name." He whispered._

_"Addison" she shook his hand. "Addison Montgomery." She said with a smile that matched the sun._

_And that was all 24 year old Derek Christopher Shepherd needed to know. Just with the thought of her name, he knew that he would marry her someday. He knew that he wanted to have kids with her and to someday grow old together. It only took a second for him to realize that she is the love of his life._

* * *

"She gave me divorce papers." Derek whispered. He was probably on his 3rd full trip on the elevator. He had never gotten off at his floor. He has just simply been going up and down for the past 30 minutes. Everyone that saw him must think he's crazy, but he didn't care. Maybe he has.

Dr. Miranda Bailey looked at him in confusion. Dr. Shepherd had his eyes glued to the ground, so it was hard to tell if he was talking to her. However, it was only the two of them, so no doubt he was talking to the resident.

"Ones that she filed." Derek added. "She should be on her way home." He finally looked at Dr. Bailey. "She should be in New York right now; not Los Angeles. She should've gone home days ago." He sighed. "If only I didn't ask her to stay."

Miranda rolled her eyes. She didn't have time for his drama, but something in the way he acted was pitiful. A part of her knew that she had to say something. McDreamy was playing with both women, and he can't just string them along. She did what she had to do. She pulled the emergency stop button in the notorious elevator. The alarms suddenly blasted loudly and soon all they can hear was the alarms.

"Look, you have put yourself between two very fine women, and you're looking for an easy way out. You want an excuse. You want to use the hospital, or at least somebody to make the decision for you." She yelled. "And it's not gonna happen." The resident pushed the emergency button. The elevator started to move again, and they stood in silence for awhile.

"I can't lose her again." Derek said softly. Miranda glared at him. "My wife." He cleared up. "I can't lose my wife." He stuttered.

"Then it seems like you've already made your choice." Dr. Bailey replied as the elevator doors opened. However, she stopped midway. "Shepherd?" She turned around. "She deserves so much more. They both do, so whom ever you pick. You need to be all in. You can't be half-in, like you are now. You need to be there. You need to come home when you're not needed here. You need to listen to whom ever you pick. When you do choose her, you need to show her. Don't choose her because you want to be the good guy. Choose her because you want her. Choose her and be all in. I've heard about what she did to you, but I also know what you did to her. Half-assing it won't do anyone any good. Pining over the one didn't choose won't do anyone any good. Choose her, a_ll of her, _or don't choose her at all._"_

Derek nodded. He was all in this time. That's what got him here in the first place. He can't do that to her again. "Thank you Miranda." Derek smiled. The resident nodded and stepped out of the elevator. The doors closed again, and he took his 4 trip in the infamous elevator.

* * *

The elevator doors opened and it was almost like she had been transported to another dimension. This wasn't a sight that she was used to. The pale white walls of a hospital were absent; instead they were warm toned wood. The stiff metal chairs were nowhere in site. There are cozy and stylish white chairs with wooden accents though. The usual distressed patients too were absent. The patients that came here were the rich and stylish locals of Santa Monica. It was clear that Addison didn't belong here. She stuck out like a sore thumb with her pale skin and bright red hair. Not that she wasn't used to it. She is. It has happened a lot over the past few months. She was the bitch that cheated on Derek Shepherd. Everyone, in both New York and Seattle, talked about her. Sticking out was basically her middle name. She was a walking target of stares and gossip, but that never stopped her. She took a deep breath and continued on.

"Hi I'm looking for-" Addison asked the young, blonde, surfer looking man behind the desk.

"Is that Addison Shepherd?" A familiar voiced interrupted. Addison looked to the far end of the table to find Sam Bennett. He was hunched over the reception desk looking over some files.

"Sam?" Addison pulled him into a quick hug.

"It's been awhile Addie." He smiled.

"Yeah it's been too long." She nodded. "A lot has clearly changed." She added with a sad tone. The last time they had been together was years ago. Sam and Naomi were have their last dinner party at their former Brooklyn home. That must've been a week before they moved to California. Their old med school group was complete that night, a very rare occurrence. That must've also been the last time they were ever together, and ever will be together. Addison sighed.

"Please don't tell me you're picking his side." A more familiar voice teased. Addison turned around to find her best friend standing right behind her.

"Well you've known Naomi longer, so I guess it's a no brainer that she gets custody of you in the divorce." Sam joked. Naomi raised her eyebrow. Sam clearly realized how awkward the situation was, so he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have a patient to see. I'll see you later Addison." Sam smiled then practically ran towards his office.

Addison laughed. "Nice to see that you still haven't lost your charm."

"Well I am raising a teenager, so I need all the practice I can get." Naomi replied. "It's good to see you Addison." She wrapped her arms around her best friend. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"I feel the same way Nae." Addison smiled.

"Now, let's get you to my office." Naomi linked her arm around the redhead and led the way. Once they were confined into Dr. Naomi Bennett, MD's office, she finally got to ask what she has been dying to ask her best friend. "Not that I am ungrateful that you're here, but why are you here? What brings you to LA?" She motioned for them to sit down.

"I missed you." Addison replied. It wasn't a lie. Addison did miss her best friend, but that's not really why she's in California.

"I find that hard to believe. I haven't heard much from you except for a Christmas card and that one phone call." Naomi rolled her eyes. "I tried to call you Addie. Multiple times"

"Let it go. I was going through a rough time. You know you don't get a lot of free time between patients and cheating on your husband." Addison replied sarcastically.

"Well I got divorced Addison." The other woman replied.

"How are you and Sam? Isn't weird seeing him everyday?" The red head deflected.

Typical tactic of Addison Shepherd. She changes the topic whenever it gets too close for comfort. "We're friends. We have a daughter Addison. I can't just get rid of him."

"Well that's healthy." Addison smirked. "What even happened to you guys? We thought you'd last forever." She asked.

"Well a lot has changed. We aren't the same people you met in med school." Naomi confessed. Addison nodded. Neither of them expected to be in this situation. When they got married years ago, they both had thought that their marriages could last a lifetime, that it could withstand any challenge. Apparently, they were both wrong.

"Come on Nae! You can't stay mad at me forever. I am still your favorite brunch date." Addison joked.

"Well you got fat." The sarcasm was evident in Naomi's voice.

"I did not."

"You aged about 10 years."

"I did not." Addison smiled. "Aww I missed you too Nae."

"Now that thats out of the way. Why are you really here Addison?"

"You're a fertility specialist." Addison raised her eyebrow. "One of the best."

"You want a baby?" Naomi was surprised. Addison nodded. "But I thought you were filing for divorce?"

"I am."

"Then why would you want to have a baby with"

"It won't be Derek's" Addison explained. Saying it before Naomi could finish her sentence. "I want you to get my blood work and to do all of the necessary tests while I'm here. Then, I'm flying back to Seattle for the divorce papers; that I am sure my ex-husband has neatly signed and gift wrapped." The tone in the surgeon's voice had suddenly shifted at the mention of her ex-husband. "I can do this without him. I can right?" She looked at her best friend for assurance.

Naomi nodded. "You can do anything Addison."

Addie smiled at her best friend. The smile was her way of saying thank you. "Who would have known that this is how things would end?" She shrugged.


	5. Chapter 5

**Before you go onto the story, I feel like I should explain the style of writing that I used. I was trying something new in this chapter as you'll read. The italicized parts aren't related to each other. They are just there for the flow of the story. I intended it to be like flashbacks. It'll be a glimpse into Addison and Derek's relationship. If that makes any sense? **

**Again, I don't own anything.**

* * *

_ "Have you seen the mess you made? You've done enough. Stop looking for my son!" Carolyn Shepherd yelled. Then, quickly hung up. _

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd is a surgeon; a great one. There are certain procedures that only she could do. People would come from different parts of the country just to seek her professional advice. In an OR, she didn't make mistakes. In an OR, she was flawless. She never made the mess; she was just the one that cleaned it up.

"You can be the better person here. You get to walk away while you still have your dignity. He can be with his intern. Mark could continue screwing the nurses, and you can have your baby. Simple. Everyone can be happy. Just choose to be the better person." Addison thought as she laid across the blue double sized bed in Naomi's guest room. Only it wasn't that simple. It can't be. She is just in denial. It's a lot like sweeping the mess under the rug. The mess wouldn't disappear even if she tried her best to ignore it. If she walked away without fixing things with Derek, it'll be like a third of her life would just be tossed aside. A part of her 20s and her 30s would just be kept in a box. All the photos and memorabilia would be thrown in the attic. The houses disposed of. The family ignored. The memories stored in a tiny box in their hearts with a lock and key. All because she had slept with her husband's best friend.

Okay no.

False.

There were definitely a lot of factors as to why her life is such a mess.

Derek ignored her. Every night for years, he chose his work over his wife. He stopped seeing her. To make things worse, Derek sent Mark for all the nights that he couldn't make it to; which was pretty often. Her husband basically set the two of them up. Then, there was Mark. Mark Sloan had charmed her into bed with him. He knew she was vulnerable and confused, yet he pursued Addison. On the night Derek had found them together, Mark had just confessed his love for her. It was Addison's favorite delivery nurse's retirement party, and as usual Derek was a no-show. As expected, Mark Sloan showed up in lieu of her husband. They had a few too many glasses of champagne. On the way home, Mark tucked her hair behind her ear. A move that Mark knew drove her crazy when Derek did it.

_"I think I could be falling in love with you Red." Mark whispered as he leaned in to kiss her. _

Then, everything just spiraled out of control. Addison slept with Mark. Derek caught them, walked away, moved to Seattle, met the intern, and now Addison and Derek are getting divorced.

_"Who would have known that this is how things would end?" Addison shrugged._

"But what if Derek didn't want to be with his intern? what if he didn't want to get divorced? What if Derek wanted to try and fix our marriage? Maybe you still have that option. Maybe you could still have a baby with your husband." The delusional thought once again entered her sub-conscience. The redhead groaned and tossed to her side. It was 2:34 am and she was still wide awake. Addison couldn't sleep at all. She had been going back and forth for a while. She was torn between fighting for her husband and walking away. Another deep sigh managed to escape her. She really did love him.

_"Derek have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still may be the love of your life?" She offered a gentle smile as she walked back into the empty elevator._

Addison watched as the digital clock beside her slowly changed from 2:34 am to 7:30. She had even watched the sunrise. It's been awhile since she had slept anyway, so this wasn't really new. She hasn't been sleeping for months; even before she slept with Mark. There was just something with being in bed alone. Addison and Derek have been married for a while. It was only natural for her to get used to him playing with her hair as she drifted to sleep. Maybe that's why she could no longer fall asleep. She missed him. She missed how he held her. Being alone was terrifying for Addison. Loneliness was her biggest fear. It had always been dangerous to leave her alone. She was an overthinker. She would always criticize every move that she made that day, every decision, her appearance, her tone, basically everything. It was a part of her nightly routine. Growing up with the Captain and Bizzy would do that to you.

_"I promise you that we'll be nothing like your parents. We will love and support our kids so much that it'll be nauseating and suffocating." Derek whispered as they watched Bizzy ignore Addison. Bizzy Forbes Montgomery had required their attendance at a fund raiser, that neither Addison nor Derek knew what the cause was, then had completely ignored her daughter all evening._

_"You think about that?" Addison asked her then boyfriend of six months. _

_"Of course honey. You're the only one I could imagine growing old with." He pulled her by the waist and placed a soft and gentle kiss on her temple. _

_"Even when my hair turns grey and I'm no longer beautiful?" Addison asked. Being around her mother has once again turned her into the same insecure teenager she once was._

_"Even when your hair turns grey." Derek smiled as he reassured her. "And you will always be beautiful."_

_Addison rolled her eyes and wiggled out of Derek's arm when she noticed how exactly how close they were to each other. _

_"Addison Montgomery, you are the love of my life." Derek looked at his girlfriend. His right hand made its way to curve on her back to pull her closer to him. While his left hand tucked her hair behind her ear. Their faces were now inches away from each other. "You will always be the most beautiful woman in my eyes. Not even the future little Montgomery-Shepherds could be beat you." He whispered. "Can I have this dance?" Addison nodded absent mindedly. Derek led them to the dancefloor and started to sway with the music. He held her close and tight. He never wanted the song to end. Nothing could compare to that moment. There was nothing that could make the night better. He would always remember that night for that dance, or so he thought. _

_"I love you too." She mumbled. _

_"What?" Derek stopped. _

_"I know you didn't technically say it yet, but you called me the love of your life." She smirked. "Honey based on my records, that's technically an 'I love you,' so I'm simply replying to it." _

_"You're the only person I know that would try explain that." Derek smiled. Addison giggled. He found that sight to be breathtaking. She was breathtaking. "God you are so beautiful." He didn't even realize that he said it out loud until he saw her blush. He maneuvered his face so close to hers that he could feel her exhale the breath that she didn't know was holding. "I love you Addison." He said so softly that only she could have heard it. He wanted their first -technical- I love you's to be intimate and personal._

_"I love you too Derek Shepherd." She whispered as she finally closed the gap between their lips._

As soon as she heard footsteps, she practically bolted out of the bed. She needed to get out of the bedroom. She needed a distraction. She needed to get on with her life. She can't just wait around for her husband to make a choice. It was either Derek wanted her or he didn't. It's his call. She couldn't make that choice for him. She may have even gotten a page from his book of tactics on 'how to avoid your spouse.' Just like him, she walked away. He asked her to stay, yet she walked away. Addison sighed as she reached the banister. This is what they have turned into. Derek lived in Seattle. Addison lived in New York. However, being in LA was refreshing. It was different. It was a distraction. "At least I'm not throwing myself into work, or worse, sleeping with inappropriate people." She thought.

Naomi was already dressed and ready for the day by the time Addison got down. "Hey! Good morning. I knew you'd already be awake." The fertility specialist asked as she handed Addison a fresh cup of coffee. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Is it really that obvious?" Addison sunk into the nearest chair she could find.

Naomi nodded. "How long has this been going on?"

"A couple of months." Addison admitted.

"After Derek left?"

"No!" The redhead replied almost immediately. "It started months before that. I don't like being alone."

"Oh Addie." Naomi placed her coffee mug on her countertop and rushed to hug her best friend. Addison was shaking. "Shh it's okay. You don't have to hold it in anymore. I'm right here. I'll hold you. Let it all out." Naomi whispered as Addison started sobbing. Addison never cried. Instead, she would go on auto-pilot. It was almost robotic, so seeing her best friend sobbing was alarming. Derek and Addison really did hurt each other. "If this is how heartbroken Addie is, then how's Derek taking all of this?" Naomi thought. She knew that he had a girlfriend in Seattle, but Addison and Derek were basically _Addison and Derek. _He too must be devastated. Addison and Naomi stayed that way for a while. Neither of them spoke. There was a mutual understanding that this was enough. Being there was enough for them.

Addison was the first to move. She wiggled out of Naomi's arms when she heard Maya's door close. "That must be Maya." Addison announced the obvious as she wiped her tears. Her eyes were puffy and her face was red, but she still tried her best to hide the fact that she just cried in her best friend's kitchen at 7 in the morning. "I should go and get ready." Addison panicked.

"You have plans?" Naomi asked.

"Well no." Addison cringed. "I could go to the beach?" It was more of a question than a statement.

Naomi smirked. "You could help me at the practice if you want. I only have 2 patients today. We can go shopping after."

"I'd like that."

"Well go on then" Naomi teased. Addison glared at Naomi, then walked back to her room.

As soon as Naomi Bennett heard Addie's door close, she grabbed her cellphone to dial a number that she hasn't dialed in a really long time.

* * *

Almost immediately after Dr. Bailey left the elevator, Derek was paged to the OR. There had been an emergency with one of his patients, and he needed to operate as quickly as he could. The surgery was long and complicated. The patient coded twice. He kept having to stop the bleeding. The entire procedure must have been at least 4 hours long. Then, to make things worse, there was a road accident that came in almost immediately after he scrubbed out. He had three consecutive surgeries. Derek was exhausted, but at least his patients were all stable. "At least it was a distraction." Derek thought as he was scrubbing out. Hopefully for the last time. Time stopped in the OR. At least that's what it felt like. In the OR, Derek was in charge. He knew what to do. In the OR, he called all the shots. He is a surgeon; a great one. There are certain procedures that only he could do. People would come from different parts of the country just to seek his professional advice. He is good, neat even; he never made a mess.

Wish he could say that about his personal life too. Now, that he was out of the OR, time continued to tick. He was back to reality. The impending decision between Addison and Meredith was still hanging over his head. It also didn't help that Meredith Grey was on his service today. She had scrubbed in the surgery with him. Honestly, if he wasn't as good as he is, he would have probably gotten distracted with her presence. Her doe eyes were staring at him much longer than she should have been. It was quite obvious that her stare came longing. Derek sighed. He needed to talk to both Addison and Meredith, but he knew that he wanted to talk to Addie first. As soon as he saw Meredith coming close to the scrub room, he rushed out. He knew that she would want to talk to him about their situation, and she had every right to. He just couldn't do it yet.

Derek practically ran to the locker room. He walked so quickly that he had caught the attention of some patients and nurses. Once he got to the locker room, he bolted to his locker. He needed to check his phone.

No messages.

No missed calls.

Addison didn't even want to talk to him. He knew that she was already be in LA. He had wasted half of the day hiding in on call rooms and riding the elevator, then spent the other half of the day in an OR. He looked at the date and time. It was morning. "Was she asleep? Is it too early to call her?" He contemplated. He missed her.

_"Derek have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still may be the love of your life?" She offered a gentle smile as she walked back into the empty elevator._

Derek sighed. He missed her more than he thought.

_"When I look at you, I want to remember how you looked at our wedding. I want the image of you in the silk white dress walking down the aisle to be the first thing I remember, but it isn't. At least not anymore. When I look at you, I remember him." _

That was true when he had said it, but it isn't anymore. When he closes his eyes, he remembers the night he realized that he needed to marry her. The way she looked that night is forever carved into his memories. He had always found her beautiful, but nothing could compare to that moment.

_It was Derek's turn to pick up the dinner that night. Typically, they would go for Chinese take out, but on that particular night, they wanted to try something else. So Derek got Italian. __"Honey! I'm home." He cringed at his announcement. It was cliche. _

_She emerged from the bedroom and immediately __ran up to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and showered him with kisses. The take out was now forgotten._

_"Addie? What's wrong?" Derek was confused. Not that he was ungrateful for his girlfriend's random act of affection. _

_"The Mount Sinai papers came in while you were out." Addison grinned. This was the first time Derek had noticed her appearance. __Addison was wearing a grey YALE sweatshirt that was too big for her. It was her typical choice of clothing whenever they would just stay in all day. She didn't have any make up on, and her hair was wavy._

_"Please don't tell me you opened it without me." Derek joked. He knew just how impatient Addison was._

_"Of course not." She pulled out the envelopes. "I wanted to share this moment with you." She blushed. __He found that sight to be breathtaking. She was breathtaking. "God you are so beautiful."_

_Derek dropped the plastic bag in his hand and placed a kiss on her forehead. _

_"On the count of three we open it together. Okay?" _

_"Okay."_

_"1. 2. 3" They quickly ripped the white envelopes and read the contents of the letter. The grin on her face automatically said that she got in. Not that he doubted it for a second. Addison was the Magna Cum Laude. She was a sure in. __Derek''s face, however, was unreadable. He wasn't sad nor was he happy. He was just watching her. Her hair was unruly and covered a part of her face. It was a darker shade of red at that time. Her eyes had bags under it. Her ratty Yale sweatshirt was barely covering her. Her pale legs were pretty much evident. She wasn't even wearing shoes. She was perfect. _

_"Der? Are you okay?" She grabbed both his hands. He remained silent. She leaned closer resting her forehead on his. He looked into her eyes. _

_"Thank you for waiting for me." He finally mumbled. "I can't imagine doing this with anyone else." _

_"Derek there are plenty of other great hospitals out there." _

_"Marry me." Derek blurted. _

_Addison stepped back. "What?"_

_"I am asking you to marry me." Derek said a little louder. _

_"Derek if this is cause of Mount Sinai then"_

_"It isn't. I got in" Derek admitted. Although, that piece of information was now insignificant. _

_"You're just not thinking straight." Addison was as confused as ever._

_"I just can't imagine going through moments like this without you." He grabbed her waist and kissed him. The kiss was passionate and slow. Neither of them wanted it to end. "So is that a yes?" _

_"At Sam and Naomi's engagement party, you told Mark that you promised your dad that you'd do it the way he wishes he did it. You promised your dad that you will propose in front of your family, with a ring, and flowers. I won't let you break your promise." She twirled a piece of his hair. "Ask me again with a ring and in front of your family." She grabbed the plastic bag and started to head to the kitchen._

_Derek nodded. "So is that a yes?"_

_"Ask me again and you'll find out. Now come on. The food is getting cold."_

Derek dialed his wife's phone number. The dial tone haunted him. Would she even answer? Derek stayed on the phone for a few more agonizing seconds. Desperately wanting to talk to Addison. What would he even say?

'I miss you. Please come back.' No. She would hate that.

"I'm sorry for being an ass for the past few years." Maybe. It would get her attention, but it wasn't the only thing he wanted to say.

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry for the way I've been for the past few years. I miss you, and there's no one else I'd rather be with. I love you. Let's go home." Getting there. She would not totally hate it, but he knew she wouldn't be convinced.

She didn't answer the call. He went straight to voicemail. Derek groaned. He had really messed it up. He quickly started to pace around the tiny space he had. He needed to find a way to talk to her. McDreamy was so invested in his pacing that he didn't even notice someone enter the room.

"I lied." Meredith said to announce her presence.

"Meredith" Derek was surprised. He wanted to talk to Addison before he talked to Meredith. He already knew what to say to Addie, so that made it easy. But he still had no clue on what to tell the blonde intern.

"I'm not out of this relationship. I'm in. I'm so in its humiliating because here I am begging"

"Meredith" Derek interrupted as he closed his locker. He needed to get out. He couldn't deal with this now.

"Just shut up. You say 'Meredith' and I yell, remember?

"Yeah." Derek nodded.

"Okay, here it is. Your choice, it's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big - pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll be at Joe's tonight. So if you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there." She stepped closer unsure whether to kiss him or slap him. She did love him, but Derek Shepherd was complicated. Just as she was about to lean in, she stopped herself. Instead, she turned around. She didn't need to confuse him more by kissing him.

"I was married for 11 years." Derek blurted. Meredith stopped walking. Afraid of whats coming next, she kept her back turned. "Addison is my family. That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. I can't do that." He admitted. His voice was shaky, but that was because of the regret. Derek Shepherd was picking Addison Shepherd. "I'm really sorry Meredith." He added. Meredith walked away. For a brief moment, Derek thought about following Meredith, but he knew that would just confuse the young girl. He had already done enough damage. Instead, Derek sat on the bench. He grabbed his phone once again.

Just as he was about to call Addison, a familiar number flashed on his screen.

Naomi Bennett.

Derek quickly answered.

"Come to Los Angeles." Naomi said instantly. Her tone was assertive mixed with anger. That wasn't a good sign. "Get your butt on a plane right now and come here." Naomi added.

"Does Addie know you called me?"

"Of course not."

"How is she?" Derek asked the question he feared.

"Absolutely devastated." Naomi's tone was now softer. "She was always afraid of being alone Derek, and you left her alone." Naomi had always been the 'the responsible one' of their group; especially in medical school. The dark skinned woman was a mom after all. Naomi was the one you'd call when you need someone to tell you the honest truth. She's the one that tells you right from wrong, and she was unapologetic about it. "Addison was always there for you. She was there when you lost your first patient. She was there went Amelia almost died. She was there for the good, the bad and everything in between. You do not get to break her heart. Sure she made a mistake, but at least she did something." Naomi groaned in frustration. "If only you weren't you and she wasn't she, I would tell her to move on. That you aren't worth all this heartache, but you're Addison and Derek."

"We are" Derek smiled. He loved that he and his wife had somehow merged into one person.

"Don't make the same mistake. Don't walk away again." Naomi pleaded.

And with that. He knew exactly what to do and what to tell Addison. "I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm going to fix this. I started all of this mess, and I'm going to clean it up."

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

"I want to be the center of someone's world, and I want them to be the center of my world. I want them to sacrifice for me and with me." Addison took a deep breath. "Again, I'm really sorry Nae. I know that we talked about shopping today, but since I was already here..."

"It's fine Addie. We could go shopping after." Naomi had her back turned partly to focus on sterilizing the needle and mostly because she knew that shopping would only happen to distract Addison. Derek called a few minutes before Addie arrived at the practice to say that he was boarding a plane to LAX. Naomi turned around with the needle in her hand. She watched as Addison turned pale white. She was never a good patient. Addison was cool and collected when she's the one with the needle, but once the tables are turned, the redhead could get a little squeamish.

"Distract me Nae."

"So Addie. You want a baby." Naomi stated without hesitation. However, there was judgement and sarcasm in her tone. They have barely talked about this specific topic. They both just left it hanging.

"Well I'm not getting any younger you know, and I always planned to have one. It's just" Addison paused to look for the right phrase to describe her messed up life. Naomi took this as an opportunity to stick the needle into her best friend's arm before she could protest. "Well now clearly a man is not in the cards for me." Naomi rolled her eyes. Addison replied with a glare, then went on. "I mean this is Addison post-Derek, post-Mark, and I just have to get it over with." By this time, Naomi had drawn enough blood to run Addie's test. Addison looked at Naomi, offered a gentle smile, then muttered a 'thank you.' It wasn't the usual smile that Addison Montgomery Shepherd was known for. It wasn't the bubbly million dollar smile that made all the boys in med school crazy. It was polite, but it wasn't real.

"It's not too late you know." Naomi said slowly. Almost like she was afraid of offending her best friend. Everyone knew that Addison has been in a delicate mood since the affair. One wrong move and she'll break right before your eyes, or at least that's what they thought. Addison was stronger than that. Naomi knew it. She just didn't want to say too much too soon. She can ease up to it. "It's not too late for you and Derek." She clarified.

Addison rebutted with "Just like it's not too late for you and Sam?"

Naomi frowned. "Sam and I are different."

"Different how?"

"Well Sam doesn't love me anymore. Maya was the only reason he stayed." Naomi raised her voice.

Addie suddenly regretted her words. She had gone too far. "I'm really sorry Nae." Addison smiled.

"I am too."

"If it makes you fell better, my husband walked in while I was having sex with his best friend on our bed, then walked away. Didn't even want to fight. Now, he has a girlfriend and a trailer. He has friends and a job. He lives across the country from me. He has a life without me, and it didn't even take him a week to move on." Addison tried to lighten the mood.

It's unbelievable how easy things can change, but Naomi Bennett knew that it was not the case with the unbreakable _Addison and Derek_. They were _Addison and Derek; _they couldn't end without a fight. Naomi knew that she had to be Addison's voice of reason. It is true that Addison was incredibly intelligent, but she was also stubborn. Addison wouldn't fight for her marriage without a push; or in this case a shove. Obviously, Savvy wouldn't tell Addie what she needed to hear; she was too much of the 'fun friend' to do that. Nancy too wouldn't say too much to Addie; Derek was her brother after all. Mark was too head over heels for Addison to even get a say in the matter. Sam and Archer are both useless in situations like this, so it was up to Naomi. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'll say it anyway because you need to hear it." Naomi stated. It was non-negotiable. The dark haired woman used her motherly tone. That alone was a sign that she was not kidding, so Addison sat there ready to hear what everyone was afraid to tell her. Naomi took a deep breath. "You cheated." Naomi started. Addison cringed. So much for easing up to it. "You cheated on your husband with his best friend. His best friend since they were kids Addison. Of course Derek would be pissed. Sure he was indifferent for a while, but that does not give you the right to sleep with Mark. You had no right to hurt him that way." Naomi cleared her throat. "Addison you had no right to hurt either of them, but you did. You were stupid and selfish and impulsive." Addison looked defeated. Naomi knew that she was crossing the line, but she couldn't stop now. "I'm sorry if I'm offending you Addison, but you need to hear it. From where I'm standing, it seemed like your marriage was over before the cheating. Derek wasn't home. You were dating Mark. You guys didn't try hard enough. It was over for awhile."

"Thanks Nae I needed to hear that" Addison was now fighting back tears. Bizzy did tell her that Forbeses don't cry.

"I'm not finished." Naomi said sternly. "I'm saying all of this out of love. I'm telling you what I wished someone would've told me." Naomi reminded Addison. Addison nodded. "It was over for awhile. Neither of you just wanted to accept that, and in return, you ended up hurting each other much more. Or at least that's what I thought when you first came here." Addison was starting to stir. She wanted to protest. Naomi held up her hand to say that she still wasn't done. "But after seeing you this morning, I realized that it wasn't over between the two of you. All the cheating and the indifference were just rough patches." She stalled to come up with an analogy. "Unconventional, but for you and Derek it's the 'worse,' when you said 'for better and for worse.'" Naomi explained. Addison glared at the fertility specialist for bringing up the vows. "You can still fix your marriage Addison. I know it. You know it. Hell even Mark knows it. You're still in love with him, and he's still in love with you."

"He isn't. He has Meredith." Addison interrupted.

"He does." Naomi argued. "But he didn't sign the papers. He asked you to stay Addison."

"Then ignored me for a few days."

"Well you did hurt him really bad." Naomi bit back. Addison sat there stunned. She was ready for a lecture on her infidelity, but she wasn't prepared for this. "He needed time to think. He may be mad, but he still loves you." She paused. "He's still in love with you Addie." Addison remained silent, so Naomi went on. "Okay maybe it was wrong that he didn't get back to you for awhile after he asked you to stay, but you stayed anyway." Naomi sighed. "My point is you and Derek aren't like Sam and me. Sam and I are over. Really, truly over. My ex-husband felt indifferent, then left. I didn't stop him. We didn't fight. You and Derek" she shook her head. "You can get passed this if you really want to. All you have to do is fight for it Addison."

"I don't know if I still have it in me to fight." Addison admitted.

"If you still love him, then you'll find it in you to fight." Naomi replied.

* * *

Of course, Richard was furious when Derek asked for some time off. Derek knew that it was unprofessional to leave on such short notice, but he needed to go see Addison as soon as possible. Richard, being the chief, insisted that the neurosurgeon thought about how this would affect his patients. Derek, being Richard's former intern, insisted that the chief thought about Addie and the current state of his marriage. This went on for far longer than Derek hoped. Webber and Shepherd had ended up on a screaming match loud enough for all of Seattle Grace to hear, but they both knew where it would end up. Dr. Webber wanted the head of his neuro department to stay, but Richard Webber could never just be the chief when it came to Derek Christopher Shepherd and Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. Richard was like a father to them. Derek was like a son to him and Adele since Derek's intern year. Addison, on the other hand, was not only like a daughter to the Webbers, she was also Richard's star. Addison would always be Richard's best and brightest star, so the chief gave in eventually. Derek would only be away for a few days anyway, or at least he certainly hoped so. Derek wasn't stupid. He knew that he couldn't fix his marriage in a span of a few days. All Derek wanted to do right now was convince Addison that he was all in this time, and he needed to go to Los Angeles to do that.

As soon as Derek got Richard's approval, he practically ran back to the trailer to get a decent amount of clothes. He didn't even care if he left anything. LA had malls too, and he has been married to Addison long enough to know that a trip to the mall was always necessary. It didn't matter if they were in Paris, Connecticut, London or Italy. If Addison didn't approve of Derek's choice of clothing, there would always be a trip to the local mall. Derek couldn't help but smile as he zipped up his suitcase. He missed Addison desperately. All this time he had pushed the idea of her so far back that he had almost forgotten everything they've been through. Almost being the key word. He could never completely forget her, even if he tried so hard to do so. He hurried out of the trailer and drove to straight to SeaTac. He ignored his grumbling stomach and remained unbothered by Seattle's continuous downpour. Los Angeles was the only thing he could think of right now. He could eat on the plane anyway. All that matters is that he gets on the next plane to LAX.

The drive was unsettling. There were a few traffic spots and red lights, but none of them were bad enough to delay the neurosurgeon. Derek was still able to reach SeaTac with enough time to purchase a ticket on whatever airline would be leaving first. He checked in his luggage and proceeded to the terminal gate. Derek wanted to check his watch to see how much time he still had, but that quickly went to waste. As soon as he saw the steel Rolex watch, all he could think of was the person that had gifted him the watch.

_"Here" Addison handed him a small blue paper bag._

_"What's this?" Derek inspected the bag. He had no clue on what it could be, but it sure was heavy._

_"You have to open it honey." Addison replied. Her smile beamed so bright that Derek too couldn't help but smile._

_Derek gently removed the small piece of tape that was keeping the bag from opening. Then pulled out a forest green box. "Addie I can't accept this." He quickly looked over to his girlfriend._

_"Sure you can." Addie replied as she took the box from him and started to open it. She grabbed the silver watch, took his hand and placed it on her fiancé's wrist. "See it's perfect on you." Addison then leaned in to kiss his cold hand._

_"Addison" He was stunned. He had not been expecting this at all. Sure this was their graduation night, but he did not expect a gift this grand. All Derek wanted was for his long time girlfriend to say yes, and she did._

_"Just think of it as an engagement gift." Addison was still smiling. Happiness certainly looked amazing on her. "I got a ring and you got a watch." She stated as if it was a fair trade. She then proceeded to wrapped her arms around her fiancé and pulled him closer for a quick kiss. Leaving a small trace of her lipstick on his lips. She really couldn't keep her hand off of him tonight; not that he was complaining._

_"Well you didn't even know I was proposing tonight." Derek teased._

_Addison giggled. She did know. Mark accidentally hinted it last week when she was looking for a gift to give Derek for their graduation, but she wasn't going to tell him that. It would just ruin the moment. "No I didn't." She lied. "But this day was still a special milestone for us." Addison smirked. "whether you proposed or not, and I just happen to have a gift for you." The redhead seductively, yet slowly swayed her hips. "Just accept the watch Derek." She leaned closer to him. "So that I could give you my other gift."_

_Derek suddenly turned pearl white. "Other gift?" McDreamy's voice was suddenly ridiculously high._

_Addison laughed. She loved having that affect on him. "Just say thank you then kiss me."_

_She didn't have to say that twice. As soon as she finished talking, Derek quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a long passionate kiss._

The wait to board the plane was not long at all. As soon as Derek finished admiring his watch, the PA system announced that his flight was now open for boarding. Derek then grabbed his phone and dialed Naomi's number. He needed time, and Naomi was just the person that he needed to make it happen. Derek knew just what he wanted to do. It was bluntly obvious that the dark haired doctor wanted to surprise his wife, but how he was going to do it was still a mystery to him. He wanted to come up with the best apology that would fit his and Addison's whole relationship. After all, this was his last chance to win her back. Derek did promise Richard that he was going to sweep Addie off her feet, and that he would do everything and anything to win her back.

The flight was expected to last for 2 hours 43 minutes and 29 seconds. Not that he was counting. All throughout the flight, he was looking out the window. The view of the beautiful blue sky and the contrast of white clouds had made time stand still. All that mattered was where he was headed and why he was there. He was grateful that he spent the extra hundred dollars for a first class seat. He wouldn't have survived in economy. Right now, he just appreciated the silence and the view. His mind kept racing back to his wife. It would be a lie to say that he has completely forgiven her. He hasn't. He can't. What Addison did was cruel and beyond heartbreaking. She is his wife and that was their bed. She had violated that, but Derek wasn't all that innocent too. He had slept with Meredith. He started a relationship with her. He may have even fallen in love with her. It was safe to say that they had both broken their vows.

All the messy stuff, before and after Addison's affair, was still there, and they do need to address them. He knew that their marriage was tainted, and it would take more than just his McDreaminess to fix it. Derek shook his head. Who was he kidding? He didn't need to be McDreamy anymore. At least, not to her. Addison has seen his ups, downs and in betweens. To Addie, he isn't McDreamy. He wasn't even dreamy to her. He's her husband, a dorky bad singer/dancer/guitar player that insisted on making Addison a song for their wedding. The best way to sweep her off of her feet would be one that includes a real apology and a concrete course of action instead of a promise. He could go overboard and promise her a home in Seattle, but they both knew that he had already given her a home back in Manhattan. Addison is a woman. She isn't just a girl that you met in a bar. She is complicated and breathtaking at the same time. If he wanted to make their relationship last this time around he needed to give her the attention she deserved. She deserves to be the center of his world, and he knew that she would also make him the center of her world. Derek knew that this time around he needed to make sacrifices for her and with her. It wad a two way street after all. Addison comes with baggage. Fixing their marriage wouldn't be easy. There's history there; a lot of history that can't be erased. She can't be won over with sex or a speech on how much he loves her. Derek knew that. Maybe Derek could suggest that they go see a marriage counselor to prove to her that he wanted to fix this. Maybe she could move to Seattle. Maybe he could go back to Manhattan with her. She did say there were three ways they could go about their relationship.

Option one, she apologizes, I forgive her, we move back to Manhattan and move on with our lives like adults.

Derek shook his head. That's definitely not the right solution. The brownstone would just remind him of Mark. Manhattan held too much memories for them to start over in the same place.

Option two, she would apologize, I could forgive her, move back to Manhattan but I could still bring up the affair whenever we argue.

Again not the right course of action. He did not want to move back to Manhattan at all, and he would fight Addison on that. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to keep bringing up the affair. They needed to move past it, not use it as leverage. Marriage is about being equals after all.

Derek looked over to the seatbelt sign flashing right above him. The pilot was going over the last set of announcements. The view of Los Angeles suddenly appeared from behind the clouds. Derek smiled. "The third option it is." He whispered.

* * *

Addison and Naomi spent the rest of their day shopping. Naomi was able to buy a decent amount clothes, a bag, and a new pair of earrings. Addison, however, went all out. She got countless pairs of shoes, a new handbag and a few tight, revealing yet work appropriate clothes. I mean she is flying back to a hospital where both her husband and his dirty mistress worked. Might as well show off. She was Satan after all.

"I'm so exhausted. I'm taking a long deserved nap as soon as we get to your house." Addison announced as she fastened her seatbelt. Naomi just stared at her with a guilty expression on her face. "Oh no." Addie frowned. So much for the long deserved nap that she was desperately longing for. "What did you do?"

"I promised Sam we'd have dinner over at his place tonight." Naomi smiled apologetically. Addison replied with her signature death glare. "How was I supposed to know that we'd go that hard with the purchases?" The fertility specialist defended.

"It's shopping Nae. We always over shop." Addison stated.

"Come on Ads. It's not even sunset." Naomi pointed to the clear blue sky. "I already had you yesterday and today. Sam would hang both our asses if we cancel on him tonight too."

"He did say that you get custody of me when you got divorced since you've known me longer." Addison said in a childlike tone. It was her ploy to get Naomi to cancel.

"Nice try Addie." Naomi rolled her eyes. "I have a teenage daughter. Did you really think that would work on me?"

Addison pouted and slouched back into her seat. "Fine! We'll go. Just don't expect me to be my usual charming self." She said with a sarcastic tone.

"You really are a teenage girl. Thank God you're not my responsibility outside of Los Angeles." Naomi joked. Addison stuck out her tongue. Causing both ladies to burst out laughing.

The drive over to Sam's took awhile longer than they had expected. As soon as they left the parking garage, they were surprised by LA traffic. It didn't help either that Sam lived along the beach. That just meant that it would take several unnecessary tight side streets to get there. Nevertheless, they got there just in time for sundown.

"Oh Addie could you please be the one to ring the doorbell? I have to call Maya and tell her to buy herself dinner." Naomi asked. Addison nodded. The redhead got out of the car and knocked on Sam's door. From where she was standing, she could clearly see that Sam's house was the definition of a bachelor's pad. After taking a few moments to answer, Sam finally opened the door to reveal Addison standing in her ridiculously tall red stilettos.

"Hi." She greeted. "Naomi is just on the phone with Maya." Sam nodded and let her in. "This place is just" Addison looked around. "Wow." She mustered.

"Thanks." Sam replied with a smile. "I hope you don't mind waiting on the deck. I just have to grab something upstairs." He lead her to the living room. "Oh yeah and I have someone waiting there for you."

"For me?" Addison replied. Who could be here for her?

As soon as she got a glimpse of Sam's deck, she was speechless. She froze on the spot. The deck was covered with her favorite flowers in varying colors and a few candles, but what really caught her eye was the neatly spread out picnic set up at the edge of the deck. It was far enough where their feet could touch the sand. The romantic set up mixed with the sunset made this picture even more mesmerizing. It reminded Addison of the trip she went on with Derek for their 5th anniversary. How could they forget it? It was in their second big purchase as a married couple. They had gone to the Hamptons that year to purchase their first, and maybe their only, vacation home. Addison suddenly felt a hand pressed on her lower back. "Derek what are you doing here?"

* * *

**I'm so sorry if it took me almost a month to update this story!**

**Also, if you could recommend an beta, or are a beta, that could proofread my stories, please send me a message. I'm in deseperate need of one. **

**Anyway I hope you liked it! Please leave a review! I'd love to know what you guys and gals think. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

_"If you're so unhappy, then why don't you just walk away?" Addison was red. Mark's playful pet name for her suddenly seemed to be much more accurate now. Maybe it's because of her hair or the built up anger inside her. Maybe it's because she had been sobbing for hours now. It could easily be either of those reasons or both of them. The fiery redhead was screaming and lashing out every chance she got. He swore that he could see smoke coming out of her ears. _

_"I'm not leaving Addison." Derek insisted. She threw a book at him. Gray's Anatomy to be exact. Hardbound and way too many pages. "I'm holding my ground. We don't quit." Derek took a step closer to her. Slowly and gently. Almost as if he were to face a dragon. She might throw something again. Derek paused to see if she would. She didn't, so he proceeded to walk closer to her. Addison was hard to read when she was angry or upset. She didn't move nor yell. However, she continued to glare at him, but she let him walk towards her. That was a good thing. He placed his hands on her shoulders. He was playing with fire. They both knew it. She stiffened as soon as their skin made contact, but she didn't protest. So Derek decided that maybe he could push it a little further. He slowly followed the outline of her silhouette. He started from her shoulders, down her arms, kissed each of her delicate fingers then settled his hands on the curve of her hips. "I'm really sorry Addie." Derek whispered. Addison remained silent. However, she was a lot closer to him now. Her initiative. Not his. She was slowly swaying her hips. As if she was trying to get his attention. She was only millimeters away from his crotch. He wanted more. She wanted him to want more. She was teasing him after all. Despite being in a freezing cold room, you can clearly see the usually cool and collected Derek Shepherd starting to radiate heat. His right hand swiftly made its way from her hips to the curve of her back. It all happened too fast. She was now pressed against the wall. Their lips locked and hungry. Their tongues were speaking a language on its own. Her hands were playing with his hair. His hands were hiking her skirt up. _

_"Was this the type of fun you were looking for?" Addison whispered. _

_Derek stopped. They were breathing heavily. His blue eyes and her blue green ones once again started to water. He knew wasn't getting lucky tonight. Derek had really hurt her. It would take more than just sex to make up for what he did. Their argument was far from over. The night was young and the tension was just starting to build. It was only getting started. He let her compose herself before he spoke. While he took that time to formulate his next few moves. Addison is a smart girl. If you can compare her to anything, it might as well be brain surgery. You need to be patient and strategic to be able to do what you need to or in this case, to be forgiven. "Honey, I told you that I was sorry and that I didn't mean for it to come out the way that it did. I had a little too much to drink." Addison rolled her eyes. Derek didn't mean to tell Mark and Sam that Addison was 'just fun.' It may have sounded that way, but he didn't intend for it to sound the way that it did. "I was stupid. It was typical beer and baseball talk. I'm really sorry. You know you're more than just fun to me honey." He was genuinely sorry. _

_"Don't call me honey" Addison countered. "Cause the last I checked we were 'just having fun' or so you say." She was once again raising her voice. Emphasizing the exact worlds Derek had told their friends the night before. _

_"How many times do I have to apologize Addie?" Derek sighed. _

_Addison remained silent. Derek twirled her hair. Still nothing. Derek caressed her cheek. Again, nothing. He kissed her cheeks to erase the tears that were making its way down. "Addison, you aren't 'just fun' to me."_

_"Then why'd you say it?"_

_"It was a stupid guy thing. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry." _

_"If that's how you see this, then I don't know what we're still doing here. We've been dating for months Derek. More than a typical conquest. I don't want it to just be fun. I want more." Addison muttered. Derek stared at her. He knew he screwed up, but hearing her say that almost broke his heart. He couldn't lose her. _

_"It's not 'just fun' for me Derek. I-" she quickly stopped herself. _

**_I love you. _**

_It was the first time she was going to say it. It wasn't right. It didn't feel right. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it wasn't as serious as she thought it was. Maybe he didn't love her back. Then, there were other factors. They were fighting. She was really upset with him. This was their first big fight as a couple, and neither knew if they'd make it. _

_Derek tilted his head side wards, squinted his eyes and started batting his eyelashes. She was about to say the three words that he had been dying to say since he saw her over the cadaver. _

**_I love you too. _**

Neither of them said it out loud that night. They argued. She threw things. He begged. She rolled her eyes. He walked away. She cried. He cried. They didn't talk for a week. Mark, Sam, and Naomi needed to intervene just to get them into the same room.

Addison missed fighting. She missed the yelling. She missed releasing the anger that seemed to build up inside her. She missed the makeup sex. She missed Derek. Nowadays, she'll be lucky if he said more than three words to her.

_Not now, Addison. _

_I'm busy Addie. _

_Let's talk tonight._

And her personal favorite, a shrug. No words would come out of his mouth. He would simply shrug or nod. It wasn't much but at least he was acknowledging her. Even if no words would come out of their mouths, the simple gesture spoke volumes, and sometimes, that was enough. Talking was never their strength.

"Derek, what are you doing here?" Addison managed to speak. Derek didn't reply. Instead, he used the hand on her back to led her to the deck. "Derek you need to tell me what's going on here cause you know how much I hate surprises."

Derek flashed his famous McDreamy smile. "Just give me a second then we can talk." The neurosurgeon finally spoke as he ran off to light the candles. "Now where were we?"

Addison just smiled and looked around the deck. She then raised her eyebrow. A mannerism that she did whenever she asks a question. Sometimes even tactic to get her husband to feel pressured into answering. Unconsciously, she hand placed her hands on her hips. "You can start by explaining why you're not in Seattle." Addison filled in the blanks when Derek said nothing.

"That's a great question honey." Derek replied with a smirk on his face and a playful tone.

_Honey._

_"Don't call me Honey"_

"I'd love to answer that, but we really need to get off this deck." Derek looked towards the glass doors. Sam and Naomi were already making their way towards the beach front.

"Der, I don't think I'm-" Derek took her hand and intertwined it with his as he led them towards the empty house next door. It was a white two story beach house with a big wooden deck. It had a balcony that over looked the ocean and the glass doors that Addison loved.

Addison, more confused than ever, just looked straight into her estranged husband's eyes. "Derek…" She took a deep breath. "You need to start somewhere."

"Addie..." Derek slightly raised their hands to place a gentle kiss on her hand. "I actually wrote what I wanted to say on the back of an airplane boarding pass." He admitted. She smiled. "Well it was more an outline if I'm honest. There wasn't enough space for me to write every single thing I wanted to tell you." Using his free hand, he pulled the said ticket from his pocket. She can see his messy doctors handwriting scribbled on every possible surface. It was long. "I want you to listen." He warned. "I want to be able to say everything, and I can't do that if you interrupt me." He let go of her hand and placed it on her hip. He pulled her closer and she complied. They were so close that they can feel each other breathing. Despite how big the deck was, they were pushed together as if they were in a small box. "I need you to promise that you'll let me finish." He whispered. She nodded. "I need a verbal response Addie."

_"Will you marry me?" He asked. Tears were streaming down their cheeks. Savvy, Naomi and all of his sisters were screaming in the background. Addison was aimlessly grinning; unable to form any coherent word. "I need a verbal response Addie."_

_"Yes!" She blubbered as she pulled him up. _

"I promise." Addison giggled. He followed the outline of her arms; gently. Upon reaching her hands, he guided them onto his shoulders. Then, resting is hands back on her hips. It looked a lot like dancing. His hips were swaying with the sound of the waves. She was too; following his lead.

"I was indifferent." Derek started. Addison's eyes were now glued to her husband. "I was absent. I stopped _seeing you._ I didn't mean for it to happen because god knows I love you. I am in love with you. You were -_are-_ the love of my life. I just got distracted. I was too busy fueling my ego that I forgot that I have a life outside the hospital. I know it was stupid to think that you'd just wait." Addison opened her mouth to fight, but didn't speak. _They have never been good at communicating,_ so maybe they're finally learning. "I know that it was stupid. I did push you away. I sent" Derek cleared his throat. "Mark in my place. He took on the responsibilities that I promised to do for you. I stood you up. I was too occupied. I was indifferent. Then I saw you with Mark in the Brownstone. I wasn't indifferent anymore. Instead I was angry. I was angry with you. I hate Mark, but mostly I was furious that I had let it get that far. So I went to Seattle. I wanted a clean break. I wanted to prove to myself that my job was more important than how much I hated you." He was now letting the tears roll down his cheeks. Though, Addison would occasionally wipe them away as he was speaking. "How much I loved you. I wanted to try and prove that my job was what I had wanted."

"But what about Meredith?" Addison interrupted. She had promised not to interrupt but she wasn't sorry. It had been a topic that they had not talked about.

"She was a lapse in judgment." Derek admitted. "I was hurt and angry. I saw an attractive younger woman in a bar, and I went for it. I wasn't thinking at that point. I just wanted to not be Derek for a while. Then one thing led to another. I didn't expect to ever see her again if I was honest. When I saw her at work, I had no intentions of sleeping with her again. But she was the _anti-Addison. _She was everything you weren't. She needed me. I was her knight-in-shining whatever. I got lost in that '_I'm not Derek' _bubble. It was hard to stop. Until, I saw you. I couldn't convince you that _New York Derek _was gone. How could I when you're Addison." He giggled. She smiled. He caressed her cheek as she rested her head on his palm. A sweet and intimate moment wherein they could forget where they were. "I think that'll explain why I'm here." He whispered.

"Why are you here?" She challenged.

"You're _Addison. _Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-_Shepherd_. We're _Addison and Derek._ You're why I'm here." He admitted shyly. It was a little too cliché for their taste, but hey maybe _New York Derek and Seattle's McDreamy _did have some things in common. He then gently let go of her as if she was a glass figurine. He hand untangled himself from her arms as slowly as he can, yet once he was free, he had missed her warmth. "I was originally planning to sweep you off of your feet." He admitted. She laughed.

_She hates surprises._

"But I'm not really that guy." The neurosurgeon finally confessed. Honestly, declaring it to himself more than to her. Suddenly the flowers and the candles over at Sam's was starting to make sense. "I helped Sam set that up for Naomi." He cleared it up.

She nodded. "Still doesn't explain what we're doing _here." _

_Oh the House._

"You gave me three options. Option one, you apologize. I forgive you. We move back to Manhattan and move on with our lives like adults." Derek shook his head. "That's definitely not the right solution." Addison laughed. "The brownstone would just remind me of Mark. Manhattan held too much memories for us to start over in the same place." The red head was grinning ear to ear. _Her _husband thought about this. "Option two, you would apologize. I could forgive you, move back to Manhattan but I could still bring up the affair whenever we argue." Derek cringed and so did Addison. They know from experience that their fights were far from pleasant. "Again not the right course of action. I do not want to move back to Manhattan at all, and I would fight you on that." She wanted to interject, but he wouldn't let her. "Plus, it wouldn't be fair to you if I keep bringing up the affair. I had one too. We need to move past it, not use it as leverage. Marriage is about being equals after all." Derek smiled. Addison did too. For once, they both knew that they'd be okay. "So I guess that leaves us with the third option." He announced.

"And what would that be?" Addison liked challenging Derek.

It was now Derek's turn to smile. "About that…" He was trying to delay the inevitable. All because he know how much Addie hates being in the dark.

"What did you do?" Addison tried her best to sound annoyed but obviously failing to do so.

"I know how much you hate surprises, but I want you to keep an open mind." Derek was starting to back up. "What do you say about moving to California?" The dark haired neurosurgeon opened the door to the fully furbished _Addison and Derek _liked house. If he was honest, the house had cost him a ton of money, and with all of the furniture, the house was almost twice as much as it was worth.

However, the smile on his wife's face had made it all worth it. She practically launched herself onto her husband.

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_


End file.
